A common topic of discussion in this generation has been the importance and need for self-care. Not only do mental health professionals and spiritual directors urge people to find ways to take care of one’s mental, emotional, and spiritual health, but workplaces have adopted “mental health Fridays,” they have brought in professionals to talk about the importance of work-life balance, and they have even gone so far in allowing unlimited numbers of vacation days and setting your own work hours. All this to try and help employees achieve their optimal, healthy self because they believe that when their employees are healthy the company will be healthy.
I believe wholeheartedly that this is the right step to fighting one of the greatest epidemics of our generation – anxiety and depression. This generation has seen the greatest increase in suicide rates and sales of anti-depressants and anxiety medication than ever before. Work places must do their part in becoming part of a solution that affects us all, especially when people spend the majority of their days at their workplace. However, the issue that I have come across with the topic of self-care is not the lack of conversation about this topic nor the lack of action, but about how self-care can actually be practiced.
Whenever I sit down with people who come for pastoral counseling to address issues of stress, anxiety and depression, the question I will always ask them is, “what do you do for fun?” or “is there anything you do just for yourself?” I have found that most people will say they do not do much outside of work, church, and spending time with family/friends or they simply do not know what activities brings them joy.
The problem with the conversation of self-care is not necessarily that people don’t believe it’s a need, it’s that they do not know how to practice it. Of course we can give lists of ways to practice self-care, such as going to the spa, gardening, baking, playing an instrument, traveling, etc., however, self-care is done well when it’s specifically tailored to one’s self, hence the name. What this requires is a sense of knowing yourself deeply. Workplaces may have done its part in providing people with the space to practice self-care but this generation has only recently been introduced to such conversations that they are not sure how to utilize this opportunity. Up until this point, society has placed heavy emphasis on financial stability, career, and starting a family, while churches have focused primarily on how to serve people in their context, how to give sacrificially, and how to run hard for Jesus that many do not know what things they enjoy outside of these parameters.
For our world to begin practicing self-care well, we must begin to help people understand their self better, and it begins begin with Mark 12:31 with the command to, “love your neighbor as yourself.” The faith community has often used this passage to talk about the Christian’s duty to be a loving neighbor, but this commandment reveals that loving your neighbor is contingent upon loving yourself first.
Loving somebody requires knowing a person deeply and choosing to accept, cherish, and care for that individual in light of who that person is. Most people understand love when it comes to relationships, but when it comes to oneself, it seems to become a foreign concept. In the same way that we love others by accepting and embracing a person for who they are first, to love and take care of ourselves well, we must also learn to first love the attributes of ourselves. That means learning to love the way we look physically, accepting our likes and dislikes, and cherishing the attributes of our personality.
When we are able to love those aspects of ourself, we can begin to find the pleasures that align with the way God has designed us. However, when we resist accepting our unique qualities and attributes, we begin to build our life and our self-care practices in ways that do not bring rest and joy. For example, many have accurately described me as a nurturing person who enjoys taking care of people. For many years, I did not take this as a compliment due to associations that I placed with this characteristic. I believed a nurturing person lacked leadership, was not fun to be around, and lacked a youthful energy. My inability to accept this quality of myself, and my ideals of who I wanted to be, led me to a very roundabout road in trying many self-care practices that I did not find enjoyable. For instance, hiking, baking, traveling alone, and art. My desire to be a charismatic, youthful leader pushed me to try hobbies that might have aligned with this image, but not the attributes that God had shaped me into.
It was only when I began opening myself up to being deeply loved by the Father when I began to understand that it is God’s love for me that reveals how deeply loved and accepted I am. This was the channel that allowed me to begin embracing myself and trying other self-care practices that aligned with who I am. This led me to discover a love of gardening, a love for animals that brought me to a journey of fostering dogs, nature walks around bodies of water, and I began traveling with friends every year – all things that now bring me true joy and rest.
Learning to find my self-care practices was certainly not an easy journey. There was a lot of trial and error, as well as frustration, and I am still trying to find other self-care practices as I learn to love God and myself more deeply. But the first step must begin with the desire to know, understand, and love the person that God has created you to be. For me, that required seeking healing in areas of my life that I found difficult to love and accept, and it may be the same for you as well. Although this journey to healing may seem like a large task just to find practices of self-care, rest assured in the promise of Scripture that “everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light” (Eph. 5:13). When you are able to bring to light the dark and painful areas of your life, God’s promise is to illuminate that darkness into a light that can heal and bring joy to you, and all those around you.
Healing Well Ministries 